I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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