I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
