this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
