Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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