i just wanna soil my oats bro
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm both gender and math confused
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
