There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
