the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
