you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize