You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
