she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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