We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everyone says I win the strip club
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
