The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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