my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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