Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm both gender and math confused
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
