Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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