I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
