so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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