4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He? As in you personified your dick?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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