Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
