I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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