bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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