I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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