It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
