I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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