fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
