i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
