I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
