I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
