so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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