you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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