I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
