3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize