I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
