You can't motorboat a personality
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
