kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
