I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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