I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize