I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
