The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
