You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Never joke about your clitoris.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
