He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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