Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
