wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
