Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
