Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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