Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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