I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
