Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
