i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
two words: eviction party
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
