How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
