Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
