Sry I called you an 8
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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