WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
