people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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