is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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