Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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