Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
