Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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