She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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