evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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