I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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