Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
