I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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