My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
